Thursday, January 21, 2010

I blame you

How often in life do we hear those words and accept the blame for something we never did?  This morning, after taking my son to the airport, and feeling sad as I'd only see him again in 5 months' time, my 14 year old daughter turned to me and said, "I think I'm getting a cold.  Do you think I should swim today during PE?"  
"Yes," I replied, still thinking about my son I had just said goodbye to.
"Well," she replied in a very mean tone, "If I get very sick because I'm swimmimng today, then I blame you.  If I drown because I can't breathe through my nose while swimming, then I blame you."
My first reaction was to tell her that if she drowned she wouldn't be blaming anybody.  My second thought was, if you breathe through your nose while swimming, you will drown.  I can't accept the blame for that.  breathing through your nose while swimming would just be your own stupidity.  But I refrained from giving an answer.  I decided to use the 'ignore' treatment.  It usually works with her.  About 5 minutes later she tried to engage in conversation.  I ignored her.  Eventually, in a timid voice, she asked if I was mad with her.
"Yes," short weet, very abrupt.
I should have communicated more.  Explained that it is not okay to blame somebody like that.  But, my heart was sad after saying goodbye to my son, who never blames me for anything.  I drove the rest of the way home in silence, seething with resentment.  I should have spoken up.  But, should of and could have mean nothing.  I didn't say anything.
Tonight, my goal is to speak to my daughter and explain that it is not on to always blame others.  She never accepts the blame.  It is always someone else's fault.  If someone is always blaming you and trying to load you with guilt.  say no.  Do not accept the blame for things you haven't done.
Have a great 'blame-free' weekend!


  1. I tend to agree, but I think the concept of blame is instilled in us by society. Its not the ease of blaming someone else but the lack of acceptance of responsibility for our actions. And this is an interesting concept even in the business world, where you are taught to cover your own arse. We have to accept who we are and what we have done. Perhaps in some instances, blame could be apportioned but then we must be careful not to end up in disagreement as to how much either party is to blame because then its back to square one.

  2. You are so right Sean!